"Please, don't hurt me!"

There are an average of 400,000 robberies and muggings annually in the United States. In the case of a mugging a person is supposed to stay calm, be cooperative, and listen very carefully. Most personal muggings do not become violent and a victim should try to be as cool-headed as possible. But, what happens when you are being mugged and don't realize that it's happening? Now you might be asking, "But Jeff? Is there anyone so oblivious and unwitting that they aren't going to realize when they are being robbed?" Well, my friend, it seems that you are greatly underestimating me.

In 2009, I was a sophomore in college and was feverishly working on my degree in acting. At the time, I was in rehearsal for the biggest production of the season which rehearsed in the civic center of Abilene, Texas. During the rehearsal process the cast was reminded to "arrive and leave in groups". While the theatre was very nice, it was located in an a more "crime oriented" part of the city. Now remember, this is Abilene, Texas not the back streets of Detroit. Meaning, everyone took the warning seriously, but we weren't in a state of constant vigilance.

The Abilene Civic Center 

One evening, I was late to rehearsal, which was unusual for me, so I was in a rush. I pulled into the parking lot and was in a light sprint to the door when I hear someone call out, "Hey! I need help!"

Surprised by the disembodied voice, I stopped in my tracks. Looking around, I saw a man in his middle forties walking up to me. For all intents and purposes, he looked "normal" to me. Whatever that even means but, I didn't find him unusual or threatening at the time. (Let me add that I am over six-feet-tall, which doesn't make me an obvious target for criminal activity.) I wait for this guy to catch up with me and the conversation goes like this:

"Hey, thanks for stopping. I really need help."

"Oh, sure. What can I do for you?"

"Well, you see, I locked myself out of my car and I ran out of gas."

"Man, that's too bad. Sorry about that."

"Yeah. yeah. So...I was hoping you could give me all your money." Which he said while simultaneous
pulling out an extremely large knife. I mean, this knife was huge. I'm not saying it was a machete but, this guy was not using it to cut a sandwich in half.

(Approximation. May not be accurate.)

The normal reaction to this would be something like, "Please, don't hurt me!" or, "Take anything you want!" But remember, I was thinking about how late I was, so the fact that this gentleman trying to rob me while holding a knife the length of a child's leg, did not register. Innocently, I replied:

"Oh man! That is too bad! I'm really sorry that happened. Unfortunately, I am extremely late and I need to get going but, good luck getting into your car!" This was followed by him giving me a curious look and an amicable parting of the ways. It was about ten minutes later when I realized what had actually happened and called the police.

To my knowledge, the police didn't find him or look for him all. So, if you ever discover yourself in Abilene, Texas and are on the business end of a cleaver, try telling your assailant that you really have to be going. You might walk away from the situation intact. Don't become a statistic. Remember, robbers are people too and they can run late just like the rest of us.

- Jeff