No matter how often you curse, I can almost guarantee that you have never heard true, honest, core shattering cursing, until you work catering for a holiday party in New York City.
During my time in New York I worked for four different catering companies. And during the holidays you could easily be working sixty hours a week. One of the companies that I worked for had a certain group, no, squad of men, that I affectionately referred to as, "Those guys who cuss all the f------ time." This was a group of about eight Indian gentlemen who had taken boring, run of the mill, swearing and lifted it to new heights. The words these fellows would use transcended swearing, it had become a sort of poetry, or even, was all that remained of a long forgotten and forbidden language. A normal conversation between them would flow like this:
"Aadesh, you f------ a------! Come move this table with me,you son of a w----!"
"F--- you! You do it yourself you lazy b----! I am working here!"
"What? If you talk to me that way again I will f------ kill you and slit your throat!"
"Drop dead, you stinking b------ f---!"
Following this bit of patter and word play, Aadesh would saunter over and help move the table. After seeing this same thing happen dozens of times, I no longer paid any attention to it but, I was still very curious about it.
According to New York State Law, if you are working as a caterer, you are supposed to get a thirty minute break every five-and-a-half hours. Often times this would not happen. If you were somehow awarded this break, you were also supposed to be given a meal to eat during your down time . This also, was an infrequent occurrence.
This past holiday season, when I was catering the Tree Lighting Ceremony for a very famous Christmas Tree at a very famous building, we were, in fact, given our thirty minute break AND our meal. A Christmas miracle indeed. On that night, I was sitting with my favorite group of poets of the forbidden tongue and I decided that this was my best opportunity to ask a couple questions.
"Alam, what's the story with you and Aadesh?"
"What the f--- do you mean?"
"Well, do you hate him or what?"
"Hate? F--- no! He was the best man at my wedding!"
"Oh. Well, then, why do you talk to him the way you do?"
"Which way?"
"Swearing all the time."
"Because,I f----- love to."
At this point, Aadesh had joined the conversation.
"Yes! We both love to swear. I can't not do it. It is like oxygen to me."
They then proceeded to call one another and me a heap of creative names. Which, in their own personal way, was a display of love. Or, something. I am still not sure. And I am perfectly okay with that. That is just how it f------ goes sometimes.
- Jeff
